February 14, 2015February 15, 2015 jennaroberts

Crack in the Sugar Cube

My father still eats like a pre-teen on vacation. He will go through bags of cookies and chocolates, washed back by sodas, then refuse dinner. He rejects the idea that his arthritis or fibromyalgia will be affected by a change in his diet, or by a more active lifestyle. He isn’t fat, pills regulate his acid reflux and gerd, and his stomach doesn’t ache from the candy. So he doesn’t associate the sugar with the suffering, or, like most, he chooses not to.

When I think of his eating habits and health, I feel grateful for that little protozoan parasite that forced me to face my food. Due to candida and SIBO challenges, I have had to remove sugar from my diet multiple times, including all carbs that can be turned into sugars that feed yeast and bacteria. Amazingly, no matter how much fat I eat in the form of nuts and meat, I lose weight whenever I quit sugar.

Internal Guardians

This week, I ate my first pear in 6 months, and it was sheer decadence. As I ease slowly back into allowance, I notice how quickly my mind impulses for ice cream and chocolate. I am still just a child who yearns for her treats. I simply have also grown into the mother who sets loving boundaries.

There is a part of that motherly self who is scared that I will slip back into old habits someday. This makes me feel like an addict. This, in turn, makes me feel like a control freak. It is likely a bit of both.

America’s Fix

Sugar is the innocent party drug that soon becomes the all-consuming heroine. America is hopped up on it far worse than any narcotic. Then the subsequent candida’s neurotransmitters add to this vice by creating an actual urgency to consume more of the sweet stuff. Our country is being controlled by a fungal parasite that is causing far more actual anxiety than any terrorist threat.

This is not true everywhere. When I gave my Taiwanese elementary students a taste of Jelly Bellies, they made faces of disgust and said, “Tai tien!” for ‘Too sweet’. Can you imagine American children, or even many adults, uttering those words?

People try to lose weight by going “low-fat”, only to find hopeless results. The cruelty of American diet foods is that they are often higher in sugars, or worse, chemical sugar substitutes. It is nearly impossible to quit sugar without quitting all processed foods. It might be mind boggling to have that much time to cook, but it is the most effective way out.

Dependence Enablers

Mainstream doctors often refuse to see this association between food and health, and do not request that their patients make a dramatic diet change. It’s “cheaper” and easier to take a pill. I have been told that I would need to take Prilosec every day for the rest of my life. I went on the anti-inflammatory diet for a month and that particular health issue went away. A dermatologist recently informed me that eczema has no relationship to food. Then why does my skin get more red and itchy after eating certain items?

This blindness confounds me, especially from those who have taken the Hippocratic oath. Doctors today are afraid to ask their patients to do something that they themselves cannot conceive of doing. Have more faith in yourself than they have in you.

Anything You Cannot Quit, Owns You

It has been one of the greater challenges in my life to give up sugar. Over time, I will most likely return to this sullen mistress, and then build up the will power to tear myself away again. I may even delay until the necessity arises if my system loses a fight with the side effects of high sugar intake again. I aim to make peace with balanced choices as I move forward.

If you consume sugar daily, be brave enough to face this slave driver head on. You can start slowly, by maybe taking one little month off of only refined sugar. Even if you still allow carbs, fruits and honey, you will notice a difference. Anything that you cannot quit, owns you. Take your body back.

December 14, 2014 jennaroberts

Huffing through the Holidays

Holiday Temptations — One way to inhale. Read on for another technique.

For the last three years, I have either been on a crazy diet or coming off of one at this seasonal feasting time of year. This is for real health reasons, as I am not a masochist.

Each event becomes a religious examination of my will, and ends in either a testimony to triumph or an accursed confessional as my symptoms flare up again. I am here today to preach some ways to stay in the light this season.

First of all, bring your own snacks and desserts with you. Most of my diets have allowed crushed nuts and coconut cream, which can be blended with cinnamon, cardamom powder, nutmeg, powdered cloves, honey, and vanilla extract. This is a respectably delicious experience.

You might find yourself staring down an item at a holiday dinner and getting that twitch. First, walk away. Breathe. Tell yourself that you’re doing great. Snack on something else. Go and find someone interesting to talk to about anything but food. (Note: If your relatives are freaks who you struggle to enjoy, pretend that you are a cultural anthropologist and interview them about their strange histories.)

Yet again, you find you are standing before it. The temptation is getting too much, so dare yourself. Pick it up very consciously, mouth closed tight, and hover it beneath your nose. Pause, and inhale its essence. Huff it as though you were eating it. Then place it back down, laugh along with your staring family and friends, and feel impressed at your incredible will power.

This odd tactic reminds me that I am making a choice. I also get some sort of fix out of the aroma. It’s not for everyone though. If you find whipped cream trailing out of your nose the next day, you went too far.

WARNING: If you are allowed to drink on your diet and are already drunk, or inebriated in another fashion, this is not a good time to test your resolve to the sniff challenge. In that case, maybe go outside and take up smoking.

Obviously that is a terrible idea. Do NOT take up smoking cigarettes.

Instead, I recommend vaporizing herbal essences from Holi Smokes. They are a wonderful small company that produces herbal vape tinctures that have calming or uplifting subtle effects. It’s not much different for your lungs than being in a steam room, as they are in a vegetable extract base.

Vaping herbal tinctures relax my cravings for emotional eating. I feel like I am treating myself to a delight, and it distracts me from the food table.

Whatever you do to pull through the holidays, know that other people on weird diets are with you. You can do this. Call upon your spiritual guides, give prayer a go, and sing your own praises for each treat you did not eat.

Happy Holidays to you All!

Check out Holi Smokes HERE

I recommend that your vape pen container is made of glass, since these essential oils eat up plastic.

(Editor’s Note: Jenna did not receive any compensation or discounts from Holi Smokes for this promotion. She just likes them.)

December 11, 2014 jennaroberts

Be That Turkey

I can drag out that last box of cookies in the food supply for weeks. Meanwhile, I continue to allow myself the free taste of fried orange chicken at the mall, and the potluck cheesecake as I agonize over how much I am going to miss these delights.

Turkey Ice Capades! Go Cold, Turkey, Go!

The quitting date gets pushed further, and I am not really even enjoying the slow sentimental release. It’s like a soap opera death scene where every single character has to have their last moment in the hospital goodbyes. Just let the woman die already, she got hit by that yacht weeks ago! But, I’ll never forget you, apple strudel.

In my many diet starts, I have found that going cold turkey is the least painful option. Simply set a clear date that best suits your life. Quitting the week before your birthday is jumping on the wagon trail to doom town. If your work is especially stressful and involves free burgers and cookies that week, maybe wait until that program is completed.

If your work is always stressful though, just start already. If your doctor is giving you a squinted stare down with acronyms such as IBS, just own the moment and make the switch fast and firm. Eating right will lower your stress levels once you have a grip on it, especially if you’re giving up that “white pony” of refined sugar.

‘Going cold turkey’ is a phrase coined among drug addicts and alcoholics. Anyone who has given up sugar or gluten knows the cold shakes that come from a warm brownie set before you. Sugar lights up the same part of the brain as cocaine or heroine. Gluten and dairy break down into protein chains that have similar effects as morphine. It is fair to say that you are a brave soul to enter your own private rehab for any food habits.

Once you quit your smack, be prepared with snacks. A chewy item for a gluten fix, a sweet item for sugar highs, or a coconut cream substitute for dairy can appease the munchies. Carry appetite suppressants such as nuts or apples with you, and drink tulsi tea to balance your digestion and lower your stress levels. Drinking a lot of water and tea can also make things go more swimmingly as you detoxify.

As you change your eating habits, your body needs time to adjust, and your willpower needs time to build. You might find your energy levels bouncing, emotional crashes, abnormal hunger, or that you are more irritable than usual. Trust that this is a temporary state. After the hump of the first three weeks, it gets much easier.

It is essential to let your family and friends know that you need some extra support during the beginning. Teasing and enticing you is crap, and they should owe you a foot massage for each infraction. Pep talks, kind interventions, and discretion with ice cream consumption are acts of love that you should feel lucky to have.

While encouragement is grand, no one can do this for you. It is up to you to say good words to yourself that motivate your daily choices. Find your own serenity prayer to pull you through. Even the simple words, “I got this”, repeated in moments of craving, can bring your strength up.

Do it. Empty out your cupboard of the conflict item, go find some recipes that replace your usual meals and start cooking. It’s all a lot easier and more dignified.

Honor that you are a bad ass for taking on a challenge that terrifies many. If those who are blissfully unaware of food rehab tease you about it, just know that they are scared of your ultimate willpower. Anything non-essential that you cannot give up for one month, owns you. You are owning your life. Be that turkey.

November 23, 2014November 23, 2014 jennaroberts

Down the Tube: A History of Health Haphazards

“Don’t make me be gluten free. I know how you people always tell everyone that they have to be gluten free.”

You don't have to go home, but you can't stay here. — You don’t have to go home, but you can’t stay here.

This was my first clarification at the initial visit to the naturopath. It seems that any ailment can lead to this burdensome dietary restriction. If a planter’s wart was risky, my broken lips were a definite threat to cookie consumption.

I had come to a naturopath to sort out my angular cheilitis, the chronic cracking at the edges of my lips that had gone on for 6 years and was getting worse. The appearance of having constant oral herpes, when I didn’t, fell suspect in my lack of a love life. Allopathic MDs only offered topical steroids, and I needed a real solution.

The doctor pointed to her own healthy smiling mouth and replied, “Well, this is the end of your tube. So if something is inflamed here, it might also be down the line. Don’t worry though, we won’t do anything until we get some tests done.”

I pondered for a moment on this tube she was talking about, almost as if it were an epiphany that my mouth and anus were related. Sometimes the most obvious things are the most remarkable.

Two weeks later, the GI Health Panel results were in.

“You are definitely going to need to be gluten free,” she said. I slumped and groaned

“And dairy free. You have a parasite called cryptosporidium and your saliva shows extremely low immunoglobulins.“

A new vocabulary was upon me, as anyone who has had gut troubles knows. At least this pest had a fun name that sounded like a dark and mysterious, erm, spore. Nice nemesis for a superhero to step up to. “You’re going down, Cryptosporidium!”

Better yet, being protozoan, it had no eyes or legs, which spared me the deeper creepers. Little did I know yet of the havoc it had wreaked since it had become a stowaway on a trip to Central America.

For the next three months, I was put on a regiment of a strict diet with caprylic acid, homeopathies, and immune boosters like glutamine. It was an incredible challenge to give up so much of my standard food so quickly. I succeeded in ridding myself of the crypto, but this little freeloader colony had lived in my intestinal tract like an unemployed hippie in his enabling mom’s basement. Thus the journey to clean and heal began.

If I understood that I would be still riding this challenge four years later, I might have had an emotional breakdown. First, I would rid myself of the parasites, then the yeast came. I would eradicate them with the challenging candida cleanse and anti-fungal meds. Yet again, a new candida variant would emerge like the opportunistic bastards they are.

These reoccurrences led me to find that I had heavy metal poisoning, a relationship common in many chronic candida sufferers. I chelated, and the yeast finally seemed to go away, but my lips were still inflamed and eczema had cropped up along the way on my hands.

Most recently, I tested positive for SIBO, small intestine bacterial overgrowth, and found that the crypto and the yeast had left behind a resort town for bacteria in my small intestines. I have just completed my second round of antibiotics, and decided to protect myself further from yeast by cutting out fruits. I am presently on an incredibly strict diet that consists primarily of meat, green vegetables, and nuts.

Come to think of it, I have had some pretty powerful emotional breakdowns along the way. I also have learned to cook, to refuse sugar treats, and to honor that I have impressive patience. I also shamelessly share about my intestines at parties. Thus, the blog.

I hope that this place will become a haven for those of you who are diving into your guts to find freedom from ailments. Come by to remember that you’re not alone in your experiences. Even if you’re gassy today, you’re still welcome here.